Helpful tips in learning to be more empathetic
If you properly construct your reflective response,
your counterpart’s natural reaction will be to provide
more explanation and information. You will find the
following tips helpful in learning to be empathetic.
1. Recognize and identify emotions. Most
inexperienced negotiators are not adept at recognizing
myriad emotions. You will find it easier to identify
others’ emotions if you can easily identify your own. Make
it a habit to check how you are feeling. Are you
frustrated, stressed, angry, happy, sad, nervous? Then use
these skills to identify your counterpart’s emotions.
2. Rephrase the content. If you restate your
counterpart’s comments word for word, she will believe you
are parroting her. Doing so not only sounds awkward, but
also makes your counterpart angry. The key is to restate
the content using different words.
3. Make noncommittal responses. A good way to
start reflective statements is with such phrases as “It
sounds like . . .”; “It appears that . . .”; or
“It seems like . . .” These phrases work well because they
are noncommittal. If you blatantly state, “You are angry
because . . .” most people will proceed to tell you why
you are incorrect.
4. Make educated guesses. Recently we were involved
in a negotiation for the sale of a business. The seller
told the potential buyer that the offer he had submitted
for buying the business was ridiculous. The buyer
responded, “It almost sounds like you are insulted by my
offer.” The seller replied, “Not insulted, just shocked.”
Although the buyer was not entirely accurate in his
assessment of his counterpart’s emotion, it was a good
educated guess. Educated guesses work well because even if
your guess is not entirely accurate, it will most likely
encourage your counterpart to clarify his true feelings.
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