Gestures Come In Clusters
Skeptics might object that it is difficult to
tell what someone is thinking by singling out one gesture. You have
probably heard people protest, “I am crossing my arms because I am
cold, not because I am being defensive.” The skeptics do have a
point. A single gesture, like a word taken out of context, is
difficult to understand. You cannot be sure of the true meaning of
an isolated word or gesture. However, when gestures fit together in
clusters, they begin to reveal a more accurate picture of what is
going on in your counterpart’s mind. For example, a man who is not
being totally honest might display a group of congruent gestures,
such as refusing to make eye contact, holding his hands around his
mouth, touching his face, and fidgeting.
The
question usually arises, how accurate are nonverbal communications
when compared to verbal ones? After analyzing videotapes of
conversations, D. A. Humphries, a British researcher, found that
clusters of nonverbal gestures proved to be more accurate, truthful
representations of the participants’ feelings than their words were.
At first, interpreting nonverbal communication may prove difficult.
But if you study your own nonverbal behavior and that of others
daily, you will begin to understand the clustering process.
Nonverbal communication is critical to negotiations because it lets
you know when you must do something different to obtain the outcome
you desire.
To make sure you are “catching” the nonverbal signals your
counterpart is sending, Gschwandtner suggests conducting a “body
scan.” A good formula to follow is to divide the body into five
categories: face and head, body, arms, hands, and legs.
Nonverbal Signals from your Counterpart
Face and Head
The face and head truly provide a window into your counterpart’s
soul. Professional cardplayers are noted for their “poker face,” or
their ability to hide facial expressions that may tip off other
players. Most of your negotiating partners won’t have a “poker
face,” so with just a little practice, you will be able to interpret
what their face and head reveal about their inner thoughts. Here are
some signs to look for:
• Broken eye contact: Someone who is trying to hide something tends
to avoid eye contact or break eye contact when speaking less than
truthfully.
• Looking past you: A counterpart who is bored may gaze past you or
glance around the room.
• Piercing eye contact: Someone who is angry with you or feels
superior may maintain piercing eye contact.
• Steady eye contact: Maintaining good eye contact generally
indicates that a person is being honest and trustworthy.
• Head turned slightly: Someone who is evaluating what you are
saying may turn his head to one side, as if wanting to hear you
better.
• Tilted head: Tilting the head slightly may indicate that your
counterpart is uncertain about what is being said.
• Nodding: Someone who is in agreement with you usually nods his
head as you are speaking.
• Smiling: Typically, someone who is confident and in agreement with
you smiles at you.
Body
The body also plays an important role in nonverbal communication. If
your counterpart starts to lean closer to you, you will know you are
making progress. The more your counterpart likes you and agrees with
you, the closer she will be willing to position her body to yours.
On the other hand, when you say or do things your counterpart
disagrees with or is uncertain about, she will tend to position her
body away from you. If your counterpart feels insecure, nervous, or
in doubt, she may move from side to side, shifting her weight back
and forth.
In addition to being aware of and interpreting your counterpart’s
body movements, you need to be aware of your own. To send messages
that create the likelihood of a win-win outcome, make sure you
always position your body toward your counterpart.
Throughout most of the negotiation, your counterpart will most
likely maintain consistency in his general body orientation. As you
negotiate, watch for subtle shifts or changes in your counterpart’s
position. These small changes may mean that something is not
agreeable to your counterpart, or that he is beginning to lose
interest or change his mind. For example, your negotiating partner
may sigh, look away, and turn his body slightly to one side. Once
you observe the change, it is important to proceed with caution. It
might be appropriate to say, “I’m sensing that you may have a
concern with the last point we discussed,” or it may be time to
suggest taking a break.
Arms
In general, the more open the position of your counterpart’s arms,
the more receptive she is to the negotiation process. If her arms
are folded tightly across her chest, it probably means she is not
receptive to your communication. If she moves away from the table
and throws her arm over the back of her chair, it may indicate a
need for dominance or a negative reaction to something being
discussed.
As the negotiation progresses, the arms are one of the best
indicators of changes in the nonverbal communication process. For
example, when you start the negotiation, your counterpart’s arms may
be resting openly on the table where you are both sitting. Then,
when you mention that your company has a standard deposit of 50
percent on all first-time orders, your counterpart may take her arms
off the table and cross them over her chest. That would be a good
indication that what you just said was not received well. You may
need to clarify your comments or, better yet, ask your counterpart
if she has a concern about the 50 percent deposit.
Hands
There are literally thousands of hand gestures. While hands in
isolation don’t give you a complete picture of what your counterpart
is thinking, they can be very revealing in combination with other
aspects of body language. Look for these signs:
• Open palms: Open palms are generally considered a positive
nonverbal message. This goes back to medieval days when open palms
indicated that a person had no weapons. Today they generally
indicate that a person has nothing to hide.
• Hands clasped behind head: Your counterpart may be signaling a
need for dominance or superiority.
• Steepling of the fingers: Touching the fingers on one hand to the
matching fingers on the opposite hand may be a show of dominance, or
may indicate that your counterpart has a need to control the
negotiation.
• Hand-wringing: Generally, wringing the hands is an indicator of
apprehension, nervousness, or a lack of confidence.
• Self-touching gestures: Involuntary touching gestures to the nose,
ear, chin, head, or clothing usually indicate general nervousness
and insecurity.
Legs
If you ask people why they cross their legs, most of them will
probably answer that they simply find the position comfortable.
Although they think they are being totally honest, they are only
partially correct. The position may be comfortable for a while, but
if you have ever crossed your legs for a long time, you know that it
can eventually become painfully uncomfortable!
Crossing your legs can have a devastating effect on a negotiation.
In How to Read a Person like a Book, authors Gerard I. Nierenberg
and Henry H. Calero reported on a study of sales transactions. Out
of two thousand videotaped transactions, not one sale was made by
people who had their legs crossed!
If you want your counterpart to see you as cooperative and
trustworthy, do not cross your legs. With your legs uncrossed, feet
flat on the floor, and body tilted slightly toward your counterpart,
you will have a better chance of sending an open, positive signal.
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