Three Pitfalls of
Poor Listening
First, many people believe
that negotiating is primarily a job of persuasion, and
they think that persuasion means talking. They see talking
as an active role and listening as a passive role. What
they seem to forget is that persuasion is extremely
difficult when you don’t know what motivates the people
you are trying to persuade!
Second, poor listeners tend
to concentrate on what they have to say rather than on
what their counterpart is saying, and they use their
listening time preparing for their next turn to speak. In
so doing, they may fail to pay attention to information
that could be vital later in the negotiation.
Third, people let their
emotional filters or blinders prevent them from hearing
what they do not want to hear and seeing what they do not
want to see. Words are only a small part of any message.
Vocal intonation and nonverbal behavior also play a role.
When a man utters the words “I love you,” a wise woman
looks beyond those words to his vocal intonation and
nonverbal behavior before deciding whether to believe him.
Good listeners and observers know how to minimize the
effect of their emotional blinders so they can honestly
evaluate their counterparts’ true feelings.
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